he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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