I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
