So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
