I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
high people should be assigned attendants
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
