I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
