It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
