your thong is hanging out like whoa
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
