I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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