He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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