What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
