I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
