God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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