Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
