its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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