she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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