please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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