Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's just like the Real World with babies
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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