I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
