So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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