she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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