then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
