I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
