Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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