You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she smelled like a LAN party
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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