tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
