you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
