I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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