Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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