i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
