Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
