it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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