cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
