he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
