i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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