Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
