just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
