Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
