Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
