i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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