Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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