u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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