I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
