guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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