I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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