Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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