captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
