he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
