God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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