just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
