I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
