I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
