She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
